why am i so lost???
Wow, I just want to journal my thoughts... so I got m'self a blogspot.
It's late, I'm sad inside and very sleepy. Brent's been out of town for over a week, and he'll be home this Friday. Two weeks without that man really sucks!
Ok, so I'm sad... part of it is just the fact that Brent is gone and I want him home now. Whaa! I need to get over it, he'll be home in a few short days. But without him here, I fall into laziness and impatience and I get myself off-schedule. My body feels out of whack... I can't sleep, so I wake up late... barely remember shutting off my alarm every stinking morning. I do not wake up well, and I sleep hard. Those 2 combined, without a husband as a second alarm clock, make for a bad combination. I am so off my sleep schedule... I am a mess.
I also feel extremely lost because my relationship with Christ right now is awful. Obviously it's completely my fault... not like I've been praying, and our sweet Lord is napping, right??? Not like I've been reading God's Word and He keeps closing the book, right???
Lord God, YES, I confess that I have placed everything else in my life first, including doing absolutely nothing. Father, I ask your forgiveness. I am alone and I know it's truly because my back is to you at this moment... and I cannot figure out why. Turn me around, please Father, show me you're still here. I need you here...
Gosh, I'm in a funk... and it's not good. Not like jumping off a bridge or anything, just not my original happy me... and that's not a good way to be.
Prayer is needed, and it needs to start with me, reaching out for the Lord's hand... I'm off to find HIM... again...
Peace in Christ to each of you... Tari
posted by TariLynn @ 1:40 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Tari Lynn~
You are not alone! I'm here! I know that life has been super busy for the both of us...but that is no excuse. We really have got to get together...we started an accountability group a long, long time ago and didn't stick with it...but it sounds like we really need to get our butts in gear and do it! I love you, girl and want to help you in any way that I can. I, too, feel a need to refocus my life on God. Let's do it together...let's make the time! You are a beautiful woman of God and your enthusiasm is such an inspiration to me and all those around you. Let's rekindle that flame! :)
Hello my beautiful friend!
I have no idea what the heck a blog is or man I would have one! I do feel compelled to share with you a time I went through something similar.... however, my husband was home. It was just a dark time. Two days I stayed in bed. I heard the lies that Satan was feeding me (although at the time I didn't know it was Satan). I felt alone, like no one in the world cared about me. Then one day Alan just prayed over me and it at least got me out of bed and then I started reading my bible voraciously and Tari I have not been back to that place. Jody from church also recommended three books that have been LIFE changing. Neil Anderson.... Victory Over the Darkness, Bondage Breakers, Living Free In Christ. I recommend reading Living Free first. I got them all USED off Amazon.com for like $2.00 each.
I think we have (most women who were not raised in a Christ loving home) a lot of issues that hang on to us as adults which cause our heavy mood swings that often do lead to thoughts of suicide and depression. Its Satan though. When you read that book I swear you will be so enlightened and feel a freedom that is so POWERFUL.
Another thing to do is, seek out your other Christian friends when you feel blue. Force yourself to. Make plans with them and talk to them about what you are feeling. I promise you will feel better instead of spiraling down that DARK road.
I love ya girl and hope some of this helps you with your SAD feelings. Remember too Satan loves a sad woman but Jesus is there to take it ALL away.
I send 1000000 hugs!
Jill
Hey there Tari I totally know what your saying. Jacob has been gone 4 times to Iraq in the last 2 years and last year he was there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He has missed that first day of kindergarten and first teeth falling out, I could go on.Satan keeps those things fresh in my mind. I will pray for you with all my heart. I know the pain you are feeling. He leaves again at the end of this month for another month and just returned from England last month. Wow, it's hard being an air force wife. But I found a wonderful Christian mentor who was seperated from her husband for 2 years straight and she is an amazing sister in Christ. One wonderful bit of advice she gave me was to do a bible study together while you are apart. That way each night no matter what you know that your honey is praying and reading the same study you are. It helped alot knowing Jacob was doing the samething I was even when I couldn't talk to him for days, when he was in combat zones. What a feeling of peace I had knowing that Jesus was connecting us across the world. His Word is what kept us connected, literally. I will pray for you, and please pray our marriage would also always be strong and God centered. I wish I could give you a big hug. Thanks you for sharing Tari. What a wonderful example of Christ you are...Nikki Sanabia
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